Gray Area Drinking Case Study 1
I’m going to tell you a story about Delilah. She is not a real person. She is a mixture of a few stories that I have heard from women this past year. I find that it’s helpful to hear these stories because perhaps you will see yourself in her. There are parallels in almost every story that a woman shares with me. Many of the gray area drinking themes are the same. Do you see these themes in your life?
Delilah is a 36 year old mother of 2. She is married and lives in suburb. Delilah loves her enclave... she has friends throughout the neighborhood. There are kids all over and she loves that her children are growing up connected to other kids. She and her husband feel the same. They are raising their family among other families that are equally invested in creating a tight knit community. Unfortunately, heavy drinking is a common theme among the adults in the neighborhood. Delilah has found herself caught in the net of wanting to belong but also feeling that the drinks are dragging her down.
Her Struggle as of Late-
Delilah finds herself relaxing at night with a glass of wine that quickly turns into a bottle. It used to be that she only had drinks on the weekends. That is no longer the case. It has become a daily habit. She finds that alcohol is present in every social aspect of her life. Trick or treating involves shots for the adults. The kids’ birthday parties always include a full bar. It feels impossible to get away from the endless opportunities to have a drink. She would love to be able to just have one and stop but that is impossible. One always leads to two, etc...
She has her own small business, which she works part time when her kids are in school. Her business is stressful and the constant race of “getting it all done” leaves her feeling ready each evening for a “break.” As a result of her nightly wine habit, she wakes each morning exhausted and hungover. The kids make their own breakfast and get ready for school, which makes Delilah feel guilty. She would prefer to be the mother that she always intended to be...clear, present and engaged. Instead she finds herself waking with a pit in her stomach and weighed down by guilt for her evening indulgence.
Delilah has found herself under more and more stress as of late. Her mother has been diagnosed with dementia, depending on her increasingly for support. As the oldest of 4 children, Delilah is typically in charge of ensuring that her mother is cared for and that the finances are in order. Doctors appointments and selecting a care facility have been all on her to arrange. She is feeling the grief and sadness that come with caring for a parent with dementia for which she thought wine was helping. In addition, her extended family considers her “their rock.” They rely upon her to make decisions and know exactly what to do. Her immediate family is similar. They depend on her for everything. Delilah feels that she is the center spoke in the wheel of their lives, adding to the pressure. Covid made it worse.
Her husband has a stable job and money isn’t an stressor but he is increasingly worried about her drinking. He has alcoholics in his family and sees her drinking becoming more and more consistent. It’s not that he doesn’t drink, he does. And, on occasion, they have a great time together, out with neighbors, enjoying dinner and drinks. The problem is that it will sometimes lead to a fight. Some nights Delilah becomes short tempered and take it out on him. In the morning, he will remind her of what she said and it makes her stomach drop. When she takes breaks from drinking, she and her husband get along great! She knows it’s the alcohol that changes their dynamic and neither she nor her husband like it.
Physically, she is noticing that she has gained weight. Her eyes are often red and her sleep disrupted. Delilah feels like she looks older than she should. She eats like crap when she drinks which adds to the weight gain. In addition, she hasn’t been working out as her motivation is non-existent. There is nothing on her bloodwork to indicate that she is experiencing any major issues, but her mother’s condition concerns her. She has read that alcohol can increase the likelihood of dementia and with her family history it’s a risk that she can’t afford to take.
What makes her sad is that she wasn’t always this way. She used to have a natural zest for life, a consistent dynamic energy that is now missing. Running and reading were two of her favorite pastimes. They settled her mind and body. Now she can’t seem to find the time nor the attention span to enjoy these activities the way she used to.
Recently, her son told her that he “gets scared” when she has been drinking. It shattered her to hear these words from him. It was one thing to hear her husband express concern, but to hear it from her son was just too much. She decided that she would stop drinking in the wake of this comment, however, she finds herself resenting it. Delilah can’t believe how difficult it has been to let go of the wine. In the evenings, she feels the eyes of her kids and husband on her as she abstains. Some nights, especially after a long day, she will succumb and hide it to keep them from knowing/worrying. This scares her.
Finally, Delilah is ready to admit that she needs to make a lasting habit change. She isn’t having fun anymore and it no longer feels relaxing...it feels necessary.
Her Goal-
Delilah’s vision of herself, one year alcohol free, includes getting back into her body. She would love to begin to run again, get in shape and feel more herself. Ideally, she’d like to do a half marathon with her sister. She wants to feel good. She wants to be vibrant and full of joy. She wants to enjoy a social life without the drinks. She wants to go out and enjoy an alcohol free evening regardless of what other people are drinking or think of her. She wants to make friends that don’t want to drink every weekend. She’d like clear eyes and bright skin, maybe even be 10 pounds lighter. Delilah wants to be in a healthy, good place. She wants to get up and go in the mornings feeling stable and balanced, clear minded and at peace. Delilah wants to dedicate more attention and energy to her business. She will have a better self image, feeling good, healthy and strong. Delilah wants to show up for her children as the parent that she know she CAN be. She wants to enjoy them and savor their time together. She wants to set an example for the kids that she, and they, can be proud of. Delilah wants to find a better way to cope with her mother’s illness as she knows it will only get worse.
Conclusion-
Delilah has been able to take breaks in the past but unable to sustain them. Her struggle, while uncomfortable, has been a true blessing in that she recognized the need to make change before an extreme rock bottom. Her goals are perfectly in reach and she will likely find that she reaches them well before her one year mark, alcohol free.
Some of the concerns that Delilah highlighted are worth a deeper dive.
Drinking and it’s impact on brain health-
Delilah is right to be worried about her brain health. We are learning more and more about the negative impacts of alcohol on the body. According to the 8/2/19 article by Dr. Amen from Amen Clinics,
“Brain SPECT imaging studies at Amen Clinics, which has built the world’s largest database of functional brain scans related to behavior, as well as other research show that alcohol can damage the brain in ways that might make you think twice the next time you’re ordering at the bar.”
He goes on to highlight “5 scary ways in which alcohol damages the brain.”
It shrinks brain volume. People who drink just 1-7 drinks per week have smaller brains than nondrinkers, according to a 2008 study at Johns Hopkins that appeared in Archives of Neurology.
Lowers blood flow to the brain. The brain scans of heavy drinkers show reduced overall blood flow to the brain. It’s especially important to know that low blood flow on brain scans is the #1 predictor of future memory problems and Alzheimer’s disease.
Causes atrophy in the hippocampus. Drinking 1-2 glasses of wine a day, which is considered “moderate” drinking, leads to atrophy in the hippocampus, according to a 30-year study of 550 women and men that was published in 2017 in BMJ. The hippocampus is a critical brain region for learning and memory.
Reduces number of new brain cells. Excessive alcohol consumption lowers the generation of new brain cells, especially in the hippocampus, according to animal research presented at Neuroscience in 2009.
Increases the risk of dementia. Compared with non-drinkers and light drinkers, moderate to heavy drinkers have a 57% higher risk of dementia, according to research in The Journals of Gerontology, Series A. Drinking can literally make you lose your mind.
Given all of this information, Delilah is right to be worried for her brain health as it pertains to her Gray Area Drinking habit. The clearest way to ensure that she is protecting her brain, to the best of her ability, is to let go of the drinks.
Impact of COVID on drinking-
Delilah isn’t alone in her leaning more heavily on alcohol to cope during the pandemic. Many women feel that COVID drove them to drink more than they had before the shutdowns. The increase of stress on the household to manage kids doing school from home, working from home and the additional isolation were just a few of the major stressors that drove women to find solace in the drinks.
According to an WHO Euro Information Sheet on Covid titled Alcohol and Covid 19- What you need to know, they highlight some suggestions for making sure that alcohol doesn’t become a problem during COVID. “You might think that alcohol helps you cope with stress but it is not in fact a good coping mechanism, as it is known to increase the symptoms of panic and anxiety disorders, depression and other mental disorders...”
Harvard Health published an article called “Women, alcohol and Covid-19” that highlights the increased use in drinking among women during the pandemic. According to this article “According to a RAND Corporation study, during the pandemic women have increased their heavy drinking days by 41% compared to before the pandemic. Additional research has shown that the psychological stress related to COVID-19 was associated with greater drinking for women, but not men.
Summary-
I’m excited for Delilah! She has taken an important first step in highlighting what isn’t working for her. This can often be the biggest hurdle and she has cleared it. She has also begun the process of envisioning herself, alcohol free, moving on to build the life of her dreams. These are important first steps to getting clarity and creating a plan of action.
I can related to Delilah. I too relied on wine in the evenings to take a break and “check out” on the stress of the day. Delilah’s physical symptoms including disrupted sleep and weight gain were part of my story as well. Wine was my drink of choice, just like hers. I found myself drinking with neighbors and friends on evenings out just like Delilah.
The good news is that she is catching this early. There are red flags here for Delilah and she is paying attention and taking action on those. The concern that her family is showing, her wanting to hide when she can’t have one and noticing that her drinking frequency and amount have increased are all excellent reminders that a change is necessary.
Do you see yourself in this story? If so, maybe you could benefit from evaluating your relationship with alcohol. If you’d like help with it, consider booking time with me to chat. I’d love to help.
Xo
J